It's hard to keep up with this thing...

I suppose a lot has been happening and yet, it feels like time is just creeping along. Well, if you read my last post, you know I was waiting to find out if my photos would make it into the art contest for the Tipton County Pork Festival. They didn't make it. Not even a little bit. It was thoroughly disappointing but there will be many years to come. On a positive Pork Fest note - we had a great time. Husband couldn't join us but Daughter and I got to visit with so many friends & family(thought not all family, unfortunately). On Friday evening Daughter went to Husband's parent's house for the night and I stayed in Tipton with my dad. We had dinner together in the food tent(delicious!) and then spent a few hours at the American Legion. Had a great time there visiting with my brother & his girlfriend, and ran into a few friends from the old days. Didn't much enjoy sitting amongst so much smoke(pretty much everyone there had a cig hanging out of their mouth) but got through it and left with Brother & GF to head out for a snack of Pork shish-kabob & funnel cake. We ended up at his boss' house(who happens to be our good friend's parent's place) and hung out talking and visiting until late that night. It was a great night with my brother & dad and it was nice to just be together and have something fun to do. Saturday, I headed to Elwood to pick up Daughter, then met up with friends I hadn't seen in a long time for lunch. Got daughter a little wooden frog toy that makes a croaking noise when you run a mallet along the ridges in its back. Also got the besties Pork Fest t-shirts but haven't mailed them yet - oops. We headed back to the same friend's house for the parade and had a great time. I don't remember laughing so hard in a long time. Every float/band/truck that passed us in the parade got an "ohhh" & "ahhh" from me which cracked my friend up(I can't blame her, in hindsight they weren't that elaborate, but as my grandmother pointed out, the last 4 years I was in Tipton, I was in the parade - so haven't seen it from that perspective in over a decade). Brother was risking his life & limb jumping into the street to collect candy for his favorite niece and GF (who I consider a friend, btw, not just brother's GF) was holding Daughter and doing some general baby wrangling. By the end of the day we were exhausted but had so much fun. I was read to head home Sunday as quickly as possible - and made it in 3 hrs 45 min which is a 2nd place record for me. I just have to add as a side note - everyone is aware that the left lane is for passing, right? Got home and was glad to be here.

Been to the doctor & head the heartbeat via doppler for the first time though we had heard it previously via ultrasound. It was a great feeling to know that the little one was still in there and going strong. I'm not waiting on my quad screen results which we'll get next week and the next dr.'s appt. is next week too. Really hoping for a big ultrasound on my birthday so that I can take home the news of a healthy baby to my family & friends (and a few pics, too!). Still not loving my dr. but I hope as things move on and we build a relationship everything will get better. I'm so thankful/excited/nervous/worried for this pregnancy. I feel him or her moving about and feel reassured that God knows what He's doing - but it so hard to let go of the negative and focus on the positive. I have no reason to believe that this baby isn't as 100% healthy as our first and I try to tell myself that all the time. Husband hasn't been as active in this pregnancy as he was with Daughter. He's only been to 2 appointments with me and I understand...and I don't mind really. It is just so different - to feel like I don't completely trust my doctor, to feel like Husband isn't going to be there every step of the way...I feel like I am going through this alone on many days.

Speaking of going through things alone - life has gotten a little...lonely lately. Husband is working all the time. He is out of our house for about 14 hours per day. I feel like a single parent much of the time. When he gets home he is tired and ready to settle in for the night & I'm ready for a break but we can't seem to give each other what we need. I can't make myself just say "Go ahead and take the rest of the night off, put your feet up, don't worry about us" and he can't seem to say the same to me. I've tried to explain to him that he may need to reevaluate his priorities...but in all honesty, most things I say to him fall on deaf ears. He isn't a bad husband or dad, I don't want anyone to think that. He just isn't an attentive husband or dad and right now, when I've got a lot going on with my body, emotions, spirituality...it gets to be overwhelming to feel like I can't look to him for support. God bless him he tries to be supportive when I talk to him about what's going on...but because I know him like I do...I know that the things he says to be supportive, he doesn't actually understand. He isn't emotionally connected to the advice or comforting words he tries to tell me. It feels like an empty attempt to do what he thinks I want him to do. Anyway, I imagine it will go on like this indefinitely, I don't see why it would change.