Title: True Love

On Family

My husband and daughter, and the child we're expecting - they are the drive to get out of bed, to say my prayers, to smile a little more, they are my motivation, comfort, and peace. Everyone in my life has changed, some beyond recognition, some only the smallest amount - but my family, my constants, have never changed at a pace I cannot appreciate. Husband is a simple man in his ways but an extraordinary man in his intelligence. I have always felt safe with him in many ways but one I am just beginning to understand is the safety I feel because he knows so much about all of the things I know so little of. In his presence I feel like we could conquer the world because we complement each other intellectually. He humbly says, "thank you" when I tell him these things but if you've ever gotten to know him, truly, you know that he is unique in his abilities. I hope that some day he can recognize that in himself if only so he never feels inadequate.

Our daughter is my joy. I don't think I knew happiness before she was here and I feel that except a few particular moments in my life, I have been and will always be, happy. My sincere elation at being her mother, at being in her life at all, overwhelms me sometimes. Already almost 2 years have passed since she was born and every now and then I look at her and no longer see a baby but a quite grown-up toddler with an amazing mind of her own. I am in awe of the gift of children. No human being could ever deserve to have one, let alone many, but God knows how they can complete a person, a family, complete that picture of bliss. I know that the day will come all too soon when I look at her and she will be out the door to a friend's house, picking up the car keys, graduating high school, walking down the aisle...and as all parents promise me, I'll still see that cherubic little face of a babe and the bittersweet-ness that is the cycle of life in our world will be ever present.

And for the little one we are so anxiously waiting on, the unspoken promises I am making to him or her are reflected in all of the promises I am willing to make to God just to see his or her face. Knowing I have no right to ask of such a gift from Him but somehow still knowing that He must delight in the giving of children as much as we delight in the receiving, it gives me perspective when my mind could just spin out of control. In 6 more months, when I've wondered where the time has gone, knowing it will just keep going, as that is the only thing in its nature to do, I'll be wondering how I, unimportant in the scheme of the world, but the most important to Him, as we all are, I will wonder how it was written in to my life to be blessed so abundantly.

If I review the parts and bits of my growing up and wonder how I came to be the person I feel that I am, it isn't such a great mystery to me that I should love my family above all else and make sure that they know it. I have many reasons to resent a certain person or persons in my life but I don't. I love them. I cherish them. And I forgive them, if that is what they need from me. I am sad for them, heartbroken really. Knowing the happiness they seek and will never find passed them by when they gave up the two gifts from God that would have brought more joy than any one person should have, if only they knew it was a gift and not a hardship. But, I digress-

Mothers, Fathers, love your children. Love each other. It is the only task that God gives us that matters more than any other - it is the hardest, as it should be. In overcoming each difficulty as a parent or as a spouse, we grow a little more in our strength of character and our ability to love unconditionally. It is a contagious phenomenon - let it spread like wildfire.

Addressing Number 2 (of my previous post, of course!)

There are these two women in my life. My bests, my BFFs, my girls. We've known each other for a few years now, since 2006, actually, but it feels like a lifetime. We all worked for the same neurotic eye doctor (and I say that lovingly, sort of) at one point. Almost since day one we hit it off with one another. That work relationship developed into more over time, as slowly, all but one of us had to step down from the positions we held in that office and move on to other career choices. In the years we've known each other we've been there for one another through our successes and failures. On our worst days we have had someone to cry with and on our best, well, gut busting laughter. Through husband's deployments, relationships being laid to rest, big moves, new jobs, and babies, we have been 10 minutes away from one another and a phone call away but always so close. These two ladies may not understand what a memory they gave me by being there the day our first daughter was born, sisters where I had none before. From hilarious moments - "Doesn't a baby breath through its skin?" to ones of a more tender nature - "She's a peach, a perfect little peach." these wonderful beings that have crossed my path have given me family when I had none close and friends when I needed to get away from it all. We have experienced the many facets of life together (we have matching tattoos, for goodness' sake) and been each other's person more than a few times. Even in this description of them, I cannot do justice to the memories we have made together (partly because I can't remember my life, which is something they don't understand but accept). Simply put, they've made my life happier, fuller, and have allowed me to just be me. Not wife. Not mother. Not sister, daughter, or other. Just me. It is a gift I feel we've given each other from the beginning but something was lost between them. Something neither can pinpoint precisely though both have tried and tried to understand it and change it. Distance? Time? Changing individuals? I can't help them, and I feel like I'm failing them. My heart is breaking with them and for them. This is all we have. This one and only existence. This one and only moment. None of us know if we will be here in 30 seconds let alone 30 years. I could not picture either of them out of my life. I couldn't imagine not knowing them. I fear they have both done that to each other and for the moment have convinced themselves that it isn't sad anymore, it just is.

I am an even person for them. A neutral. But in all truthfulness I could just take them both by the ear and bang their heads together and scream "What are you doing?!" "Stop this nonsense!" "You love each other whether or not you care to admit it, whether or not you care to show it, whether or not you even realized it until now!" It is all we have, the people around us. Having them in our lives may be one of the few things we have control over, the few things we have a choice about, and the only one who can separate us is the Almighty Himself. In the mean time I will pray and wait and listen. I hope they do the same.

Title: Life's a Beach

If Only Motivation Came in a Bottle...

So now that I've been M.I.A. for several weeks, I thought I'd give my blog some much needed attention. Several things have been happening in my life and the lives of my family and friends. Let's just start with the highlights-

1. My husband took 2 weeks leave and we had a pseudo-vacation involving the great outdoors, our hometown, and several days at home with our child.

2. My best friends broke up. Then started talking again. Sort of.

3. I'm pregnant. 12 weeks 5 days today actually. We are ecstatic : )

I think that about covers the major events going on this way. I'm curious to see who reads this and comments via Facebook. We haven't made a public announcement of our newest expectation. The only people who know are the ones intuitive enough to ask or are related by blood. Anyway, let me get back to vacation. We went camping at Mississinewa in Peru, Indiana with some good friends and some new friends who we really are quite fond of. 6 adults wrangled 3 children (34 months, and two 22 month olds, respectively, one being ours). In all truthfulness, it was a great weekend. It wasn't too hot, there weren't any bugs, we didn't get rained out, the children all played nicely, and most importantly, so did all of the adults. All of the couples admitted that camping doesn't usually bring out the best qualities in the relationship they share. Anyway, we divided up meal responsibilities amongst families during the planning process. The first night there we had Hobo Pies. Basically, you take a piece of foil, some smoked sausage, and all kinds of canned veggies and you combine them with seasoning in the foil, then throw them in the fire to warm them up. Simple & tasty! Perfect after a long day of making camp and chasing children. We were on breakfast duty but after a long night of little sleep (Daughter had a hard time adjusting and then we were subject to a massive thunderstorm) I overslept so Husband and friends made breakfast. The boys ran errands while us girls (all 6 of us, all the kids are female too) hung out at the camp. We had a blast together. It was relaxing and one by one everyone retired to their tents until it was just me and a book waiting by the fire for the menfolk to return with meat and firewood. That evening, after eating, we all went down to the beach and played in the sand while the sun set behind us. The day before all of us girls went to the beach and the kids had so much fun! Daughter chased the birds and played in the water with me while the two other Littles played in the sand with their toys. Very nice indeed. We ate and ate all weekend, played a few rounds of Phase 10, stayed up entirely to late talking around the camp fire, and then Sunday morning, it was all over. We packed up camp and headed home. We couldn't have asked for a better time and I hope we make it a yearly tradition.