Title: Brothers

M.I.A.

So I haven't been on since Saturday and I apologize, I'm sure you all have been on the edges of your seats waiting to hear from me : ) So Sunday was really nice too. Got up at 6:45am, no one else was awake, took a shower, got dressed, all in peace & quiet. I even managed to get out the door when I wanted to. I had a photo-shoot to do for a good friend & her family. We went to the local park and we did some family pictures, individual shots of the boys, and some nice action pictures of play time. The boys were in red, white, and blue. The parents were in jeans and white tees. Everyone looked great and we didn't have any meltdowns! Sarah (aka Bat Girl) also went with me. Thank goodness she offered to come because she was the best assistant! Christian (the good friend), Sarah, and I go way back - actually we go back to the time before we were born. Our moms were all friends and we were all born in the same year, September, October, and November, respectively. We've been friends all of our lives and it's great to be friends right now, with kids, buying houses, getting married, going through all of this "grown-up" stuff together. I don't know what I'd do without them - I know that no matter what, we are and will always be drama free & ready for fun together : ) Anyway, after the photo shoot Sarah and I headed

to Christopher's for breakfast. Had a nice chat and the food was good too! Left there and got Husband and Daughter packed up and left for my dad's. Had a great visit with friends and family at Dad's. He is growing a garden and we had a fantastic salad with his veggies. My brother's birthday is today so he & his girlfriend brought an ice cream cake to the Sunday get-together. Now, I know I swore off ice cream, and I've been doing just fine without it, but I had some ice cream cake...it's cake, right? Anyway, Christian's parents ended up stopping out on the bike to visit and it was great to see them. We took off by 5:00pm to head back home. This time the trip was only 5 hours, and that was with a small detour. By the time we were within 30 minutes of our house, both the baby and I were losing our minds. Between RLS, sunburn, exhaustion, and feeling nauseous, I was done. Daughter was just plain tired of sitting in a car seat. We got home, got her to bed, and I hit the shower & the sack within 30 minutes. Yesterday was good but Daughter has been getting up before 7:00am most days and I really wanted to sleep in yesterday. We got up and didn't do anything all day really. One day of recovery is ok, right? Well, Husband got MTS qualified (Master Training Specialist) yesterday, so proud of him - I believe that he will be up for Instructor of the Quarter either this or next quarter. All of it is pretty exciting. We ended up getting some bills/bank account overdrawn notification in the mail and it tried to ruin our day. We decided to to just let it go until today, everything was closed anyway so no point in worrying and being upset when there was nothing we could do. Hopefully we'll get it all worked out today. You'll hear from me later - we'll see what the day holds!

Title: Bat Girl & Wendy Koopa

Superheroes vs. Villains

Today was a great day. A good friend of mine, Sarah, and I hung out with some old friends from high school. Spent the whole day in the pool, doing jello shots, having fruit slushes, a great lunch, and just good times catching up. It has been years since I had seen one of the girls, and we caught up just like I knew we would, having laughs and a laid back afternoon. Sarah and I then went to a party some friends were throwing. Husband met us there and so did some other mutual friends. The idea was comic heroes vs. comic villains. Husband and I were both villains. We had a ball with the obstacle course, tug of war, trivia game, riddle scavenger hunt, and beer pong. There were great decorations - even their dog had a costume! We ate, played some games, drank a few beers, and just had a blast. I did manage to get sunburned earlier at the pool so I was ready to be off by the time that beer pong was over. Now it's time to get to bed as I've got a photoshoot in the morn at 7:30am! Daughter is still awake too so my exhausted but is signing off for the night : )

Title: On the Water

For Friday, and only 15 hours late...

So yesterday was a bit...well, I spent my day feeling quite cranky and extremely hot. We got up early enough to get some of the house cleaned before packing and leaving for Tipton. Husband surprised me by waving his magic wand and getting off work in time to be home at 10:30am. Husband hasn't had a vacation for well over a year, he doesn't take days off, it was an absolute treat that he got home so early. We worked hard and got the car packed up and we were off only 30 minutes after our goal time of noon. We have two vehicles, a car, and a minivan. It is June and both A/Cs are out. We chose the car simply because it had less stuff in it than the van and took off. The ride started out well enough, a little warm, Daughter and I were in the sun. After about 30 minutes, the traffic was backed up and we were looking for a way out. We headed over to 94 just to end up on a detour to 294 because our southbound ramp was closed. We finally made it to 294 (we've now been on the road for 1.5 hrs and gone 10-15 miles) and I noticed that the traffic was slowing again. Daughter was getting sunburned so I rigged a sun shade out of Husband's raincoat and the window. She eventually fell asleep and we kept moving, slowly, but surely. A lot more of this stop and go traffic & heat, and noise (windows down got quite loud) and we eventually made it to 65 where we kept seeing warning signs that one lane driving was causing long delays near Lowell. We messed with the navigation feature on my phone for awhile before deciding to brave it. We had been on the road for 4 hours by this time, were still 3 hours from our destination (and that was if the traffic wasn't backed up). The entire trip should have taken 4 hours. We were hot. We were tired. We were cranky. My RLS was driving me insane. I hadn't eaten in almost 8 hours and was feeling a bit dizzy from the heat and lack of sustenance. We finally got to our usual stop and decided on Arby's. We thankfully piled out of the car and headed in and right away I knew we couldn't stay. We all went into the restroom, changed Daughter's pee-soaked clothes, and walked back out. The AC was out there too. We needed relief so we headed into Cracker Barrel to eat, cool off, and regroup. We were able to rally and only stopped one more time so that I could drive the rest of the way in. We even made it here before the sun set -7.5 hours later. We were all troopers though and we made it, can't wait until Sunday, ; ) and we'll do it all again.

A Moment of Silence

For the fans of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson - a moment of silence in honor of their memory.

Title: Milk & Cookies

Party of One

I'm writing early today...I've got stuff on my mind and just want to get it all out. I'm involved in a play group, which I've mentioned a couple of times. I really enjoy the social interaction that I have as well as the opportunity to do something fun and different with Daughter. I am awkward when meeting new people. It is so hard for people to get to know me, and I know that. Still not completely comfortable in my skin and I think that it shows. A few of the moms and kids that I've met a few times I really love. Well, actually, there isn't anyone I've met that I don't like, but I know that there were a couple moms I clicked with in particular. Anyway, I still haven't made any friends...and I will be honest, I don't know if I will with this group. I think I will make a lot of good acquaintances and that will be all. That doesn't reflect poorly on them, they have all been kind to me and accepting. I think that...I have just become more careful and choosy with friends because I don't think I fit into any particular niche. I don't find fulfillment in much of this suburban lifestyle. I'm not a soccer mom. I ABHOR driving a minivan...I know that seems trivial, but I sort of feel like a vehicle can be another form of expression. I'm not trying to express that I have a horde of kids that I need to run to practices and appointments and that I live a very typical, straight-laced lifestyle. With that said, I appreciate all of those things, they have a place in my life. Anyway, I feel like much of the lifestyle in the area I live in involves this sort of green-living, liberal, don't-your-kids-know-3-languages by now, kind of deal (and I haven't gotten this from the girls at playgroup, this is just a very broad observation)...that isn't my thing, I won't say that is a wrong thing, it just isn't my thing. I know I'm sounding judgemental, you don't have to tell me. I'm in a mood and I don't mean to offend though I'm sure I will. I just hate not having a way to fit in. I'm a Catholic woman that has tattoos and dresses a little punk one day and a little preppy the next. I enjoy beer and hate sports, I don't care if you like the Cubs or the Sox. Don't. Care. I have a motorcycle licence and can't afford a bike(in time or money). I like my home to feel a touch contemporary, but just...relaxing and I hope that it looks well thought out. I have certain unique political views that most would dub conservative but I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat either. I'm not in the middle, I'm on the outside of this bi-partisan mindset that has gotten Americans into trouble. My views are my own, and I apply them to everyone, no exceptions...and I don't expect people to like it! Why would they? But I have to be true to my God and myself first so if I'm given the opportunity to voice an opinion, it will be voiced with my political and spiritual viewpoints in mind. Some people may think this means I'm a "set-in-stone" kind of person, which isn't true, how can you ever learn anything if you aren't willing to allow your opinion to be changed? I am a country girl but love the city...I guess that is why I really love Chicago. I feel like it is the perfect mix of the kind of people you would find in a small town, where you can smile at a stranger, enjoy a polite conversation with the check-out person at the grocery store but still have endless possibilities in what you can do and where you can go...and who you can be. I can hide in a city and yet feel more freedom to be myself than I feel when I head home to the 5 stoplight town I'm from. Even my two best friends, who I love with all my heart...even we are finding out how different we are. You ever have a moment in your life when you feel so....alone? Alone in your beliefs, opinions, hobbies, interests? Please don't get me wrong, I'm not taking a "holier than thou" attitude, I don't feel alone because I feel right or righteous for that matter. I think that part of my problem is that I still buy into certain stereotypes...but I have to say, why do they exist in the first place? A stereotype doesn't just pop-up because one or two people do something the same way - it exists because a multitude of people do. And that is actually a good thing. All of those people will have a place to belong...at this point, I almost wish I fit into one myself. I know, I know, this is turning into a pity-party. I'm not sad or upset...just befuddled, I guess. I have no choice but to keep on keeping on so I will go with that. I imagine almost everyone feels this way at some point in their life because, after all, we're not as different from one another as we'd all like to believe.

Title: Fun with Play-doh

Heat, oh the heat!

Well, you can't win them all. I'd forgotten how frustrating midwest weather can be. Up through this past weekend it had been raining constantly and 65 degrees outside. Then over the weekend, summer decided to rear the uglier of its heads and make the temperature and humidity combination nearly unbearable. Daughter and I spent the morning at a local park with our play group. A children's performer, Thaddeus Rex, was the main attraction though I spent most of the hour we were there chasing Daughter all around and in and out of the crowd. We did have a good time though, for what it was worth. After the concert we headed to our local Target (which is basically my favorite one-stop-shop) so I could find some shorts and tees. I had some luck and while not the most stylish items of clothing I've owned, certainly will serve the main purpose of keeping me cooler. I wore jeans today and roasted. Daughter was in a dreadful mood for most of the day. She is just now learning the concept of time-out, which has been a great tool and if not for her, for us in the way that we get a moment to simmer down before telling her why she was in time-out in the first place. She really got me in the face today with her little claws. She pours it on for DaDa though. Anyway, so basically the time we spent in Target was the only respite from the attitude problem. We met a really nice lady who stopped to tell us about her 5 grandsons. She apologized after awhile for stopping us but I really enjoy meeting people. I think it was actually the highlight of my day. Hope she made it home safely to those grandkids of hers. When we got home, Daughter refused to nap even though she was clearly exhausted. I eventually got her to go down and then built a photobook on shutterfly.com because of a free promotion they are having. I got to make an entire photobook and only pay shipping on it. I'm putting together a beach album, I've got hundreds of pictures, it will be a nice keepsake for the summer of '09. Once Husband got home and we had dinner, Daughter watched Milo & Otis for the hundredth time and then we hung out together while Husband finished some electrical work in our closet/office. We have a large closet on our main living floor that we've converted into a mini-office. He's wiring it for an outlet and putting a built in desk in. Still debating on whether or not to paint it...I think ultimately we will have to. So anyway, been a normal couple of days around here which is always nice and looking forward to the rest of my week and weekendu.

Title: 5th Anniversary Weekend

Someone Else's Family

Today I want to write about someone else's family - that of Jon & Kate Gosselin's. Now, before you turn away in disgust - or get sucked in in fanatical awe, I have to say this - these are opinions only, I don't know them, don't claim to know them, and have only ever watched their show on television.

_________________________________________

I consider myself a fan. I enjoy their show, learning about their family, watching their kids grow, watching their dynamic. I support them in their endeavor to raise their children in a Christian environment and to give them as many positive life experiences as possible. As the world watched their one-hour special on TLC tonight, my husband, daughter, and I were all watching with them. My heart broke for them a little, a family I don't know, because of what they are trying to do for their kids, for what they have done, and for what Jon & Kate haven't been able to do for one another. I know many people out there are all to ready to criticize both Kate & Jon. All I can do is try to be their advocate in conversation because in all honesty, I see myself and Husband in them. I am a very structured, controlling, person. I like things done the way I like them to be done. I have a plan for every single day and I will say, when that plan doesn't go my way, I have a hard time adjusting. I will own those personality traits and I will try not to make excuses for them. Husband, well, Husband isextremely passive. He isn't a planner nor is he very structured. He also isn't very quick with communicating, he is the strong, silent type. We both exhibit these traits to a fault. Tonight, watching that episode of Jon & Kate...it brought tears to my eyes. I don't want us to get to that point but I definitely see it happening if we continue on the path we are already on. This may be too much information for a public blog, but I'm willing to put this out there because I want people to stop being so quick to judge a relationship, and the dynamic that exists between two people in a relationship. Many women I know really despise Kate and I quietly think to myself "Then how could you possibly be my friend?" - and the answer is simple, there is the person you are as a friend, mother, sister, daughter, etc. - and then there is the you that is a spouse. I think for Husband, it is the same. Husband as a friend, father, brother, and son is entirely different from - Husband. No matter how well you think you know two people (and I find it quite amusing that people have such harsh opinions about those who they have never met) you never really know what exists inside their marriage. You aren't meant to know. That is why marriage exists between two, not 3 or 4 or hundreds or thousands. While I don't know for sure what the chain of events was that lead to the dissolvement of their marriage, I know how Husband and I have gotten to the point we're at. At some point in a life, in a relationship, there comes a moment when the situation calls for a leader. Some marriages are great at sharing this role between the two individuals, flip-flopping as necessary, and some aren't. When one person is prone to taking charge and one has struggled with that type of role their entire life, a pattern forms. After months and then years of each person falling into a predictable pattern it becomes comfortable. Because it becomes comfortable, any shift in that situation, any call for a person to change their role can really cause upset, I think this is true when two people perform in such polar opposite ways. Not only is each individual having to perform differently, it is change - particularly for Husband and me, change is difficult. To top it all off, when one person is an over-communicator (me) and one has to be coaxed to speak (Husband) a resentment can form (both ways). The communicator resents the non-communicator because it seems as though the communicator is trying to carry the responsbility for making the relationship work. The non-communicator resents the communicator for not allowing time to breath, time for quiet reflection on how to improve. For any of you who have watched Jon & Kate and thought "How do people live this way?" let me just say...you don't. You don't do a whole lot of living. You do a lot of fighting, a lot of crying, and ultimately, in those precious moments when you've found a truce, some discussion of where to go from here. "How do we move forward?"

________________________________________

Before any of you out there who are our friends start deciding who gets who in the divorce - don't, we aren't giving in to these demons. I started this blog to give a glimpse into our life. The truth is, we love each other deeply, we are best friends. We also have a lot of work to do. We have skills we need to aquire so that we can live more of the happy, content moments and fewer of the angry, mean ones. This year will mark the 9th that we've been together (4 dating, and 5 married) and we are only 24 & 25 years old. In some ways we made it harder on ourselves for getting married at a young age. In some ways, we made it easier by removing the temptations that young people often succumb to. In our cases college and the Navy might have made us two unrecognizable people if we hadn't had each other through it all. We made vows to each other for life, whether we like it all or not. While we were cuddling on the couch tonight, watching the end of a relationship play out on our television...we both told each other that we weren't going to let this happen to us. For what it is worth, two people that I don't know have helped us to see how sad of an ending we could have and it was a reminder of all that we have to do, and all that we can look forward to when we succeed at changing, a little bit at a time, for each other, and for the better.

Happy Father's Day

I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you a bit about Husband. For better or worse, he is my One. We met when we were very young, 15 & 16 years old, respectively. After he graduated high school, he joined the United States Navy. My husband is a brilliant man. Anyone that knows him well knows how incredibly smart he is. While he does know factual information some may dub trivia, he isn't one to spout useless facts - he really knows so much, so many complex ideas and understands how things work, anything really, I haven't stumped him yet. Like I said, he joined the Navy after high school and it wasn't because he didn't have options. He was accepted to more than one university & had scholarships to pay his way. Husband is also one of the hardest working people I know. He enjoys working. He enjoys problem solving, fixing things, figuring out how to efficiently get from A to B. I think that he needed to have a career- one with clear goals, one with strict standards, and one that represented something bigger than himself. Now, he may not be able to verbalize this. If you asked him point-blank why he joined the military, he would humbly say, "I really don't know." - but I will say, our military needs more individuals like him.

Husband is a loving father. He plays with our daughter, reads to her, and teaches her on a daily basis. Today he showed her how to color inside the lines and she intently tried to copy him. He patiently teaches her what "time-out" means and gives her big hugs when she has succeeded in staying put. Before she was born, we went book shopping and he bought her a children's encyclopedia - I don't think he can wait to tell her all about the world & all of God's creations on our earth. Husband chases Daughter all over the playground and braves the cold waters of Lake Michigan for her so that her play can go on for as long as she wants. He makes her smile, giggle, and she misses him every day when he goes to work. He is the center of her world. She is the center of his. There is no other husband or father quite like him - and we love him for providing, for playing, and for being ours.

Title: Oh! That's Cold!

Father's Day Weekend - Part 1

Finally, what a BEAUTIFUL day in northern Illinois. I think I was going a little batty (I know dear, you already thought I was batty) from being inside watching it rain all day. We woke up before 8:00am, the sky was blue, not a cloud to be seen, the birds chirping, and we were feeling good. We decided to just stay local and head to the beach. Well, one thing, then another, and it was 3:00pm before we finally got out the door. You know how it goes, finally get going, get showers, dressed, fed, etc. then the baby needs a nap. Wait, not just the baby, I needed a nap too, etc. and so on. When I woke up Husband and Daughter were already packing for the beach & I was free to shower alone. If you have kids, you know what a big privelege this is. If Daughter isn't taking a bath with me, she has to be asleep or it just wouldn't happen. So I got dressed and we got out the door with little fuss - boy was that wonderful! When we arrived at the beach, it was PACKED. We did find a nice spot with a bit of water to ourselves and went to stick our feet in directly. The walk from the parking lot to the water nearly burned the skin off of our feet, but the water itself might have given us frostbite! I think Lake Michigan probably averages temperatures in the 50s and today was no exception. Everyone was standing on the beach looking out at the water as if to say "So close, yet so far (sigh)." Well Daughter wasn't about to be stopped. She plunged right in and stayed in. Husband was a tough, brave father today and kept his feet in the water to be near her but I just couldn't handle it. Even other adults were remarking at how much she seemed to like it and that they couldn't believe she wasn't frozen! We had a pleasant afternoon & we even got a slushy as a treat afterwards. Yep, life is good, looking forward to another family day tomorrow with nothing in particular planned. Nothing is the perfect plan for me.

Title: Like Sand in an Hour Glass

All in a Day's Work -

- A canceled play date at the park due to weather

- A trip to the library in order to let the kid burn off some energy in the early learning center

- A fire alarm quickly ending the trip to the library in which Daughter absconded with a magnetic letter, "j"

- A command picnic for Husband we didn't know anyone (he didn't either)

- An abrupt ending to the command picnic when the one person Husband knew decided it was more polite to get Husband a beer, not introduce himself, and walk away

- A screaming child on the way home from said picnic because she got her leg stuck between the car door and car seat

- A phone call with my Person that ended up being one of the best we've ever had after we re-started it for the 3rd time, both of us were experiencing interruptions in the forms of heartburn and screaming child

- A "positive" personal experience

- Reception of two packages from UPS - new swimsuit (yay!) and part of other Person's bday gift

- Creation Person's blog - www.rockbottomopen.blogspot.com, yeah, I made that, : )

- Flash Flood Warnings, Severe Thunderstorm Warnings, and a "If you hear the sirens" plan all made in a span of a few minutes while watching the looming, swirling, black masses over our house

- Dinner made by Husband (I know, and it's Father's Day weekend), consumed by all three of us, then thrown on the floor by Daughter

- Wrestling Daughter into time out for throwing the above mentioned food, took span of 15+ minutes & finally succeeding at keeping her there

- Short cleanup & now here I am writing this blog entry wondering what picture to post and what to do with my Saturday. We have nothing planned this weekend and I really love it. I think we'll be working on our costumes for the villain & superheros party though. I'm going to be Wendy O. Koopa from Mario Brothers and I believe Husband will be Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. In closing - to my two Persons, I really love you both and miss you, thanks for being a part of my life, for the ups, downs, and secrets ; ) in between.

Title: Through the Looking Glass

Today, well, today started out like any other day for us, though we did sleep in a bit later than usual. I actually WOKE up Daughter today instead of the other way around. We cleaned up the extensive messes left over from yesterday's "new stuff to play with" extravaganza, took a bath, and then just relaxed. It was great. After I put Daughter down for a nap I (still in my PJs) hear a knock at the door. Since I was in my PJs afterall, I decided to not answer the door. Well, the doorbell rang, I knew I had been spotted, and I decided that I didn't want to be rude to whomever sought me out. I answered the door and a kind woman, about my age, was standing on my stoop. She introduced herself and explained that she was a student at Northwestern and she had written an article for class outlining why she felt that American news stations are using their influence to fear-monger and push their own political agendas. She went on to say that she submitted this article to a journalism contest that the BBC was holding and that it was chosen as one of the top 12 articles on this particular topic. She is leaving for London next month and needs to fund her trip. She was selling magazines. If you know me at all, you know these people selling magazines seek me out. This is the second one in just a few weeks and the umpteenth in the last several years. The thing is, they've never gotten me, never...until today. That's right, I was had by the woman at my door selling magazines. Well, had for $50. I know, I know! A two year subsciption to some printed nonsense passing itself off as journalism. All I have to say is I am really, really going to try to stop being so nice. It's a fault.

We went to the beach tonight and had the most fun we've ever had at the beach. Daughter was climbing all over dunes & rocks. Throwing pebbles into the waves and playing with sticks in the sand. We had a great family evening together and I really hope to repeat it frequently this summer.

Title: For the Love of Coloring

Why Wednesdays Are So Wonderful-

Every other Wednesday, Daughter goes to daycare for the entire day. Husband drops her off on his way to work in the morning & picks her up when he gets off. I get to wake up to the sound of birds chirping and sunshine streaming through the window blinds. Of course that's a close second to my favorite way of waking up - to a screaming child ready to go at 0600 : ) Today was no different, though I admit that even though I know she isn't here when I wake up, I always glance down the hallway to her room...it still feels a little strange to know I'm all alone in our home. It is a rarity. I sort of tooled around for most of the morning working on my other blog: chromaticmusings.blogspot.com & stalking people on Facebook. I finally decided to take a shower & leave the house for an adventure. I heard about a thrift store over on Grand Ave. that I wanted to check out. The Salvation Army Thrift store is right across the street too so why not kill two birds, ya know? I had a great time - found a bassinet/rocker for Daughter's dolls that was already painted white. When I got it home I broke out the acrylics and painted Daughter's name on the end. It's cute. I also found this little art station with a chalk board on one side and a magnetic dry erase board on the other. I bought some magnet clips so that I could put up her Crayola Color Wonder paper (I don't trust her with markers, even dry erase ones) and I got her sidewalk chalk for the other side. There is even a place to store all of these marvelous coloring utensils. I love thrift stores. I headed to Target afterwards and sort of went on a mini shopping spree. I got Daughter 2 dresses & a jumper, 2 animal puzzles, no-spill bubbles (love these!), and a 90 piece plastic food set. I've decided to devote at least 30 minutes a day to helping her learn colors, numbers, the alphabet, and animals. We play already, but I want to have slightly more structured time devoted to it. Anyway, came home, cleaned up the thrift toys & then played outside with those fabulous bubbles - life is good.

Title: Learning to Fly

Learning the Ropes

For the past several days I've been in a bit of a frenzy when it comes to blogging. The feedback I've received from my two best friends (and by proxy, their co-workers) and my husband, is giving me the confidence I need to really pursue something with all of this. Photography & writing have become two things I don't know that I could live without. In trying to set up a photo-blog today, I discovered a couple of things:

1. It is REALLY frustrating when people take the domain names you want and fail to do anything with them. I went through a dozen trying to come up with a domain name for my photo-blog just to have them kicked back to me because they were already in use.

2. While it's frustrating to have them taken, it's sure a lot of fun to see who belongs to those in-use domain names.

A few looked like they had stuck with a blog for awhile. Some never really got started and there was little information to go on. To pass the time, try taking a phrase and dropping it in front of "blogspot.com" - who knows what gem you'll come across. For all the fun it is, sometimes it's a little creepy to come to dead ends on the web. Most of the blogs I visited hadn't been touched in years. In fact, today I was looking for some photo contests to enter and came across a few websites that looked like they had just been abandoned. It's a bit like a ghost town, I think, when everything looks like it could be in order on a web page, and then you start to look it over and nothing has been updated or changed since the early 2000s. Makes you wonder what happened to these people. It's like "Life After People" from the History Chanel or the mass disappearance of the Mayan civilization.

With that in mind, please don't let my own blog go extinct - for all of those co-workers of my two Bests - please, feel free to become followers of my blog. In fact, I'm imploring you - I only have two, and one is my husband, I'm getting a bit desperate here.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.

Walk beside me and be my friend.

My Persons...

So today, today has been a little rough for me. To make a long story short (which people rarely do), my person (a.k.a. best friend) and I got into an argument on Saturday. If that wasn't bad enough, it was via texting (I know, I know, can't people just fight face to face anymore?). Mostly it was a miscommunication but while we talked today, we realized that maybe we just needed to talk about some things on our minds. I've known her for 3 years and we've never fought. Ever. I don't even think we'd really raised our voices at each other. It was awkward and made us both feel weird but I think it was inevitable. You can't care about someone as much as you care about a best friend without throwing something out there that they aren't necessarily going to agree with. That is where I was at fault. My person and I agree on most things, at least most important things, but there is at least one subject on which we agree to differ. I hurt her with the way I was saying some things and while that wasn't my intention, in hindsight, I can see how my opinion came across as intolerant. Person (you know who you are): I'm sorry, publicly sorry. The texting argument was a bit different but ultimately, it allowed us to talk about something that had been bothering me, and I didn't even realize that it had. That has now been resolved too. I think it will still be strange for a bit to know that we fought..that we disagreed, that we've said some things that have been hurtful to the other. I think no matter how much we say it is all ok now, it will still feel a little funny when we talk. It is harder to make up because she lives 1000 miles away from me. I can't run over to her house, drink a beer with her, laugh at something ridiculous, and realize that we are the same best friends that we've always been. We have to have a friendship via phone, at least for the next two years. We have a friendship that consists mainly of conversation - we tend to get into the deep discussions of life, love, faith, and what really matters on almost all occasions that we talk. We don't have the luxury of hanging out together in silence watching movies, or going shopping for nothing in particular, or wandering around the bookstore to scope out hottie employees or laugh at the audacity of what some people deem printable material. We have A LOT of substance to this friendship, but we're lacking in the fun fluff that makes up the rest. No one's fault but it does make it hard. It makes you miss a person, that's for sure. Our mutual other person is going through a lot of her own heartache right now. That's hard too, none of us really live all that close to each other, they are 2 hours from one another, and I'm 16 from both of them. As my first Person always reminds me, "We'll always have this - we got tattooed together" - and that always makes me smile. I was telling her today that I've realized that sometimes, no matter what you do, or what choices you make, things can change and then she'll say something like, "We're badasses and you're my ride or die." and then I know we're all lifers in this relationship & distance doesn't seem to matter at all.

Title: Her Mother's Shoes

Mr. Mom or: how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb, er,...

You ever know that is just going to be one of those days, weeks, months, ahem...years? When Husband got home Friday night I just knew that we were off. We weren't seeing eye to eye on anything and I think that the week's exhaustions had caught up with us. We spent most of the evening bickering and finally, yesterday, I took matters into my own hands. I quit. That's right, I went on Mommy/Wife strike. I didn't clean, I didn't chase the baby. I just stopped. I let things happen around me at a leisurely pace. No hustling out the door. No hurrying to put meals on the table. No micro-managing Husband until I was blue in the face. I just had...peace. Calm. Before you get on my case about why it isn't fair that I did this to Husband, please read my previous blog. It may explain a lot. If you feel the need to tell me what you think after that, don't bother, you are probably one of those people that like to perpetuate the myth of Super Woman. I can do many things at the same time for a long time, but no one, less supernatural powers, can do many things at the same time forever. I don't expect the same of Husband either. I encourage him to take a weekend off here and there from his life and recharge. The thing is, Husband is a workaholic and perfectionist. The former causes him to never stop going. Ever. Energizer Bunny style. The latter causes him to procrastinate and second-guess himself when something really matters because of a fear of failure. So imagine someone who does a whole lot of misdirected nonsense much of the time because of lack of confidence in completing a task to rigid standards but at the same time not being able to stop from doing said nonsense because he/she is driven to just do. I know, right? So anyway, Husband was indirectly directed (by my Mommy/Wife strike) to take care of Daughter, some meals, and housework this weekend. You know what? He hasn't complained, tired, or asked for help...I think I may have the perfect situation here. I don't want to assume anything, but I think he might be enjoying himself. He probably feels useful and now that he is completing tasks to his own standards. So, he is experiencing success and fulfilling his drive to be constantly busy. Feel free to use my technique on your own misters.

Daughter has woken in the night for the past two nights. Last night she screamed "Mama!" and nearly scared me to death. I'm not sure what's happened. It has been months since she's been through a wakeful stage. I am afraid that she is either teething again or has another ear infection. Both treatable but until they pass, I might as well join the undead in the Zombie walk because I won't be getting much sleep. Fingers crossed these past two nights were merely a fluke...right.

Due to recent sleep deprivation we've made some funny remarks & had some interesting experiences this weekend. Here are some highlights:

Husband: "It's hard to know when to hit it or ignore it"

Me: "Ahh, one of the great questions in life."

(Not at all in reference to...well, you know.)

Me: "You're weird." - in response to something I apparently thought was silly.

Me directly after I said above: "Let's touch wrist bones."

Me: (Making tea with an ice tea maker)

Daughter: "Ohhhhhh!" (watching the tea maker start working)

Me: "I know, we're making sweet tea, isn't that nice?" (watching Daughter watch the tea maker)

A minute or two passes, Daughter and I are still standing in the kitchen watching.

Husband: "K.! YOU FORGOT THE PITCHER!!!"

Daughter and I were watching the tea maker make tea all over our counter. I didn't notice. She probably did, which is probably why she thought it was so damn interesting.

Title: Hey Bubba! Look!

On Being a SAHM

For any of you stay-at-home-moms out there, I think you will be able to appreciate this. I love my child and taking care of my home. It is really fulfilling for me. I love that I get to wake up everyday to the cherubic little face of Daughter, stay in my PJs while we play, leisurely clean, ya know, all of that. Of course the tantrums, food messes, diapers, constantly cleaning up the same mess multiple times a day, etc. - now that, that makes me want to pull my hair out. I don't think I'm special here, I think most SAHMs go through feeling like "Will it ever end?" all the while knowing that it won't. The biggest difference between being a SAHM and working outside of your home is this: my job is an on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week kind of job. I don't get to clock-out at 5pm, I don't get a lunch break and two 15 minute smoke breaks. I don't get to leave my day's stresses and worries at work. I have no respite from it all. Now, with that being said, I am not complaining, just stating the facts of the situation. I would not want to change what I do on a daily basis for anything, I truly love it. However, what I don't love is feeling like I'm under appreciated and not only that, having Husband come home and critiquing me on what I am or am not doing correctly, boils my blood. This is where it would cut to that scene in a movie where the main character hauls off and bloodies a nose, just to have them cut back to reality where all they can really do is give a death glare. I don't get paid leave (hell, I don't get paid at all!). Being a SAHM is like working the hardest volunteer job ever but even volunteers get award ceremonies, gratitude, thanks. We pay nannies and maids $15 - 20 per hour for such privileges as taking care of our home and children. But apparently, when it is your own home and children, your own husband can't even see what a great deal he's getting. I don't think that taking a "day off" (hah!) from cleaning the house is ridiculous. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall when I try to tell him this though (I usually feel like I'm talking to an animated zombie that has no actual brain waves, and that's being kind) because he still continues to say "But if you would just..." "It would be easier for you if..." "I think you should..." and he wastes my time and his with nonsense. All he really needs to say is "How can I help you today, honey?" I feel that is what I do for him. I console him when he is having a hard day. I talk him through his work situations and always push him to stick with it. I tell him how brilliant he is and how much I believe in him. I sincerely want him to feel happy and successful. I want him to find his joy. I want to lift him up some how so that he can reach his full potential. Apparently what he wants for me is a stricter cleaning schedule so that I can continue to do my 24/7 job to his standards. I guess that is all I am to him, a servant and a babysitter. Forget the person, the soul in this body that can only take so much, as long as I'm living and breathing, by God, the dishes better be done. Hear this Husband, I've had ENOUGH - I'M TAKING A MENTAL HEALTH WEEKEND.

Title: I'm a PC

Learning from others' experiences..ya know, and stuff.

After looking around me and realizing that the perpetual mess that is the first floor of our house wasn't going to clean itself, I decided I wasn't going to clean it either. I'm sure that sentence didn't leap off of the page and grab you, did it? Well, moving on, I have had some internet connectivity issues this week. Pages take eons to load and then all of a sudden, a lightening fast connection. Back and forth. Forever. Ahem, anyway, I've been trying to research what the problem could be. Comcast will be of absolutely no help to me. I didn't even bother. I did the usual, unplug the router, wait 10 seconds, restart your computer, stand on one foot while tugging on your left ear, etc. None of it has worked so far so I did some research into the drivers for my modem and the possibility that they needed to be updated. After some irritating dead-ends I came across a website where you can download something called "Driver Detective." After the initial run of the thing, I was quite intrigued, it showed me the drivers for all of the devices on my computer and broke them down into the ones that needed updates and the ones that didn't. I was stoked, the modem's driver did show that it needed an update. The Driver Detective also has all of the drivers you need to download, and goes through the process of helping you install them. Sounds outstanding, right? Well, it'll cost you - $39.95 to be exact. And I did it. I was desparate, if there is anything that drives me nuts it is a slow connection speed/internet issues. It is my only connection with The Others, you know, all of those people who are not me & Daughter. My ability to (and let's face it, dependency on) access to such technology is vital to my survival. So anyway, after hours, and hours of trying to update all of this miscellaneous drivers, I've run into a problem. The ones that I really want, the ones directly related to my getting a more reliable internet connection, are all in zip files. Now, this wouldn't be a problem, but for some odd reason, my computer was routing all zip files to Picasa PhotoViewer. So, got that little issue under control and I've managed to get the files unzipped. And now, now I'm stuck. I can't figure out how to get these files installed onto my computer thereby updating the drivers that I purchased this forsaken program for. Anyway, in the mean time, I'll keep trying & cursing the cyberspace gods all the way.

Picture of the Day: Daughter in foreground, Chicago in the background.

Introductions

You know that old addage "It isn't polite to talk about religion or politics on a first date."? Well, since this is our first official interaction, I will politely follow one of the few rules still being handed down from generation to generation. Just know that the name of my blog, "Riding Shotgun," doesn't have anything to do with riding in the passenger seat of our minivan while my husband's deft hands and eagle eyes keep us from getting smashed to smithereens on the Dan Ryan. Speaking of the Dan Ryan - our 5th anniversary was on June 5th so Husband and I went downtown for a mini-vaca and had a great time together. We saw Garfield Park Conservatory (in a sketchy area, stay alert) which was outstanding, Frank Lloyd Wright's Home & Studio, Unity Temple (also by FLW), ate at a great sushi place on Lake St. in Oak Park, took a hike across the city to Navy Pier for the Ferris Wheel (something neither of us had done before) and then walked down to Millennium Park & tooled around so I could take pictures. We were happily exhausted by the time we got home and as an added bonus Daughter was still sleeping as we arrived so we weren't thrown headfirst back into Parenthood. It was just an ideal weekend & reminded both of us outside of being a parent, a SAHM (me), a sailor (Husband), and all of the other hats we wear daily, we are just two people, completely in love.

God's Blessings & Much Love -