Examples of Etsy Items

Lots Goin' On!

We have had an eventful few weeks in our household. Daughter broke her leg while sliding with Daddy, I opened an Etsy Shop (www.etsy.com/shop/TwinkleLight), and the in-laws came up for a visit. I'm finally in the last stretch (aka 3rd Trimester) of this pregnancy - and I can't wait to meet our new little girl. It still seems surreal that we're parents at all let alone welcoming our second daughter into the world in the next few months. Daughter, dear girl, has had such a rough time lately, and then to break her little 2-year-old leg was just more than I could handle. We had gone to the park to spend a beautiful afternoon playing. She and Husband climbed to the top of the tallest slide, went down, and when she got the bottom/landed, she was in tears and wouldn't walk. It took us a couple of hours to determine that this was serious, went to the ER expecting to hear she had a sprained knee. Doctor floored me when she announced that she had completely broken her tibia in two (later we found out she incompletely fractured her fibula as well). It wasn't displaced which was such a blessing. They gave her a dose of pain killer and temporarily splinted her leg(to accommodate swelling). Within 20 minutes she was much happier. It really...made me MAD. The whole thing. Between FD in her arm and then this, she has seen more x-rays than I have in my entire life. It just felt like bad things were happening and I am still trying to process my feelings about all of this. Husband & I both questioned if we had done something...to deserve this from God. There is no greater punishment than to watch your child in pain & fear. We've come to terms with the fact that He is a loving God, and not spiteful. But how can a parent not question? The good news is that the doctor expects her leg to heal completely (she is in a long-leg cast for 6 weeks, so no walking) and we are going to find out if this had anything to do with FD or not come January. Since she had her hot pink permanent cast put on, she's been her usual self. She tries to walk all the time - keeping her down is hard! But, it's a blessing that she feels so well that she wants to walk. She can still have her favorite bubble baths as well - and we're managing. She's a chunk to carry though - almost more than I can handle, but what can ya do?

Husband's parents finally made it up to see us! We were thrilled - and had a great time. We decided not to travel to Indiana for Thanksgiving this year, just needed a break (and it worked out, Daughter would have only been in her cast a few days and that first week she was still in a bit of pain). We made dinner and had a co-worker & his son over. It was a lovely Thanksgiving evening. We went out to breakfast at Wildberry - if you live in the Chicago area, there are 2 - one in Schaumburg & one in Libertyville. They are EGGCELLENT :) I personally enjoy the blueberry pancakes with sausage links the best. Anyway, we spent the day out & about and came home to decorate with Christmas items. It's been a tradition of mine for the last several years to decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving - and this year was no exception. Lots of help from his folks and the house looks really nice.

Finally, my newest endeavor - my Etsy Shop. This sort of all came from nowhere(from up above maybe, something to give my creative side an outlet, and something positive to focus on?). I am selling silhouettes made from JPG images (aka your basic digital photograph). I messed around with a program called Inkscape (free download at inkscape.org) and learned how to use that in combination with GIMP (also free at gimp.org) to create silhouettes of the people, animals, or objects in the photos. I convert those to a vector file and then use a machine to cut them out. So basically, you can have silhouettes made of anyone or anything made from your pictures and cut out of pretty bits of paper- and do so many things with them! Please check out my shop & pass the world along - www.etsy.com/shop/TwinkleLight.

Wow Wow Wubbzy Goes Trick-or-Treating

What was once per week, now once per month...

Unfortunately, I've posted very few times in the last several months. I have no excuse, other than laziness. Writing turned into a chore so I just didn't do it (the way I see it, my chore list is fully booked!). Here are some highlights I won't further delve into, but deserve to be mentioned:

*My brother-in-law is engaged to a great girl!

*My best friend moved into her own place after almost 2 years of working/saving/planning her way out of her mom's house - very happy for her!

*Husband is doing exceptionally well at his job - takes the Chief exam in January - fingers crossed!

*We celebrated Daughter's 2nd birthday and my 25th in October

The things I will further go into - our pregnancy and a moderately significant health issue for Daughter, and my faith. Firstly, this pregnancy has been just as great as the first. First trimester flew by and made it through without any major issues. Second trimester is coming to a close soon (I'm 26 weeks pregnant) and has also gone just as well. Baby Girl is kicking and moving all of the time. Husband as felt her a few times and I like to watch my baby bump bounce around when she's active during the day. As we've got 13 weeks to go before she is born by RCS (Repeat C-Section) I've been planning/making lists/organizing as much as possible around me. By a happy accident, Husband found out her gender at a Babies R Us last week. I had known since our 20 week ultrasound but had vowed to make it a surprise for him on her birth day. Unfortunately, I managed to let the cat out of the bag when we were leisurely looking at the shoe aisle - I spied some size 1 gold shoes with bows and said out loud "Wonder how much these are?" - Husband, he's a smart cookie, knew I'd just given away the secret I'd been trying to save for him. He wasn't upset in the least, I cried. Anyway, now that he knows, he's seen a few of the baby clothing items I picked up (matching dresses for Big & Little for one) and we've talked about her in gender identifying pronouns since then. It makes it seem more real for him to know...but I'm still disappointed in myself for not keeping better control of my mouth! Anyway, all testing I've been through so far has turned out normal & next week will be time for the glucose test so I'm praying I pass that with flying colors! We're happy and in disbelief that God is blessing us again with a little miracle. No person, no matter how good, could ever deserve the joy & love that a child creates - yet He knows that this is the one blessing, the blessing, that can complete a person, a family, and a life. He is Great.

Our first born, has been through a little bit of stress (and so have we) since her 2 year check up in October. I noticed over the last several months that her left arm looked bowed from her elbow to her wrist. Upon mentioning this to her doctor, he had it x-rayed. The x-rays came back with an inconclusive diagnosis of a deformity in her radius. We took her to an orthopedic doctor 10 days ago where he looked at the x-rays and diagnosed her with Fibrous Dysplasia. It could be as minor/mild as one fibrous bone mass that causes minimal pain and won't need correction or it could be as major/all-encompassing as several bones, several masses, endocrine disorders, and a lifetime spent on medications and having corrective procedures performed. She had a skeletal survey set of x-rays done which was the most traumatizing thing any one of us has been through in our parent-child relationship. She was hysterical. I couldn't be in the room. Husband was doing everything he could to situate and comfort her and when it wasn't enough to calm her down, I think it started to shut him down. At one point I stopped the session and went in to hold her - I genuinely thought she'd vomit if she didn't get some air in her lungs and calm down. We both knew she was in no pain. But she was scared. She was scared, and to her, no one was helping her not be scared. I hope that we don't ever have to go through that process again. The x-rays showed no other masses. Now we're waiting. We could be waiting until she's a teenager for other problems to arise (or for nothing to change at all, which is the nature of this type of genetic mutation). Thankfully, it isn't hereditary and she doesn't have to be concerned that she'll pass it to her children nor do we need to be concerned that our others will have it. She's in no pain right now, and I pray that it stays that way.

Finally, but possibly, most importantly - I've had a sort of "new beginning" in my faith journey. As I may have mentioned before, I became a Catholic in 2007. It was something I feel God has always called me to do and since joining the Church, I've wrestled with my decision. I've questioned my choice because of how it has affected the spiritual dynamic in my marriage and how it will affect my husband's relationship with our [Catholic] children if he chooses not to join the Church. I've questioned whether or not it is something I even know how to do - to go from being a Protestant, that, for me, had few rigorous guidelines for living a Christian life to a faith that has 2 millennia of doctrine to tell me how to live according to Jesus' ways...it's been a struggle to find my place. For the past year we've not been attending church. I don't feel this is a reflection of my belief in the Lord or in my relationship with Jesus. I feel it is a combination of moving away from the only Catholic church I've known to search for a new one, a lazy attitude about how important it is to be in Church weekly, and the confusion I've felt about practices that are still foreign to me (namely Reconciliation or Confession). If I'm going to lay it all on the line here and be honest - the last, Reconciliation, is really the one I've had the hardest time with. I actually agree with the practice, but I don't know how to...do it. I've been through Reconciliation once, with my first priest, who I had a good relationship with and whom I trusted. I am now in a situation where I have to seek out a priest who doesn't know me, tell him I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do or say, and then tell him my deepest darkest sins. It's a little...intimidating. It's so intimidating, in fact, that I am weekly trying to work up the courage to go...and in my humanly failings, haven't yet been. I am praying this week is it for me, no excuses, to finally have some peace. Yesterday we attended a local church for the 2nd time and registered as parishioners. We want our second daughter to be baptized as we believe in Christ and his saving ways(and don't want our non-church going ways to inhibit that). We are getting down to the wire on finding a church and becoming a part of it. So, we did it. We jumped in. Daughter went to the nursery and had a great time. Husband and I went through a wonderful mass together that gave me peace with some issues I'd been struggling with - let alone time to renew our faith together without distraction of a little one. It all couldn't have been better timing. I had told Husband on Saturday night that I had never so badly wanted a sit-down conversation with God in all my life - and I opened my missal to the scripture readings for the 33rd Sunday in Ordinary Time - Cycle B - and there was my favorite Bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11, and readings addressing the exact issues I'd been wrestling with. I don't know that God has ever so instantaneously answered a plea of mine. The Homily gave me a perspective on life, my own, and the collective life of Mankind, that I'd never really pondered before. I will say, it wasn't a quick fix, my fears and anxieties haven't been completely relieved- but I know now that those fears and anxieties are not of God but of my own mind. Conquering them will come from Him and I am working to do just that.

Peace be with you.

K

In the Park

Our weekend together at last!

We've been so busy over the past several months that we've not had time to hang out together as a family just doing the regular family thing - park, errands, play, movies, that sort of thing. This last weekend was the last one before things get pretty busy for us with travel. We live 4-6 hours from our family & friends and over the next 3 weekends we will be joining them in Indiana for birthday parties galore! This week alone is my mother's, mine, and Daughter's birthdays - next week we're celebrating a really good friend's son's first birthday, and the weekend after that will be Husband's grandfather's 80th! I'm so excited to get together and see everyone for such happy occasions, but realizing daily how much my stamina has suffered since becoming increasingly pregnant along with chasing an almost-2-year-old. This past weekend we spent a few hours at a local park for a photo shoot (courtesy of moi and my tireless assistant, Husband). There were outfit changes, venue changes, snacks, and play to be had all while I had my face glued to the back of a camera. Ultimately we had a good time and I got my picture fix. We all 3 came home exhausted and ready for naps though. Yesterday we spent time at the grocery store, cleaning our fridge, that sort of mundane thing that has unfortunately fallen by the wayside since becoming increasingly busy with life. I'm very much looking forward to Thursday. I'm praying for only good news. It's funny to think that the day after my mother turned 25 she was seeing my face for the first time, albeit because I was born a day after her birthday and not via an ultrasound. This year, the day I turn 25 I'll be seeing our second's face for the first time. Maybe, some day, our first daughter will be experiencing the same thing on her 25th - you never know!

Good news!

I've been a mess (internally, for the most part, haven't really voiced my worries too often) waiting on our Quad Screen test results to come back. For those of you who aren't familiar with what the test is for, or what it does - here you go: the test screens for your likeliness of having a baby with neural tube defects(spina bifida or anecephaly(always fatal), for example) Trisomy 18(always fatal), and Down's Syndrome. The test won't tell you if your baby has these, but will give you a percentage chance - like 1/10,000 or 1/10. My results came back "normal" meaning I am no more likely than anyone else to have a child with these disorders/defects. It won't catch every case but it does have about an 75% detection rate for my age group - meaning that 75% of the time, the results of the test will be "abnormal" if there is a problem, indicating further testing will be needed. According to some medical experts - 98% of us with "normal" results, will deliver healthy babies. So basically, it's great news - and I'm really looking forward to the 2nd trimester ultrasound where the baby will be measured and the organs and anatomy will be viewed to make sure all are growing at the proper rate and in the right position. You often will also have the option of finding out your baby's gender at this ultrasound and while I'm still not certain if I want to or not, Husband knows for sure he wants to be surprised. My 25th birthday is next week on the 8th, and I can't think of a better birthday present than to get the opportunity to see my little one and make sure all is well with him or her. Here's to a healthy & happy pregnancy - one I'm still in disbelief about, simply because we wanted it so much! 

It's hard to keep up with this thing...

I suppose a lot has been happening and yet, it feels like time is just creeping along. Well, if you read my last post, you know I was waiting to find out if my photos would make it into the art contest for the Tipton County Pork Festival. They didn't make it. Not even a little bit. It was thoroughly disappointing but there will be many years to come. On a positive Pork Fest note - we had a great time. Husband couldn't join us but Daughter and I got to visit with so many friends & family(thought not all family, unfortunately). On Friday evening Daughter went to Husband's parent's house for the night and I stayed in Tipton with my dad. We had dinner together in the food tent(delicious!) and then spent a few hours at the American Legion. Had a great time there visiting with my brother & his girlfriend, and ran into a few friends from the old days. Didn't much enjoy sitting amongst so much smoke(pretty much everyone there had a cig hanging out of their mouth) but got through it and left with Brother & GF to head out for a snack of Pork shish-kabob & funnel cake. We ended up at his boss' house(who happens to be our good friend's parent's place) and hung out talking and visiting until late that night. It was a great night with my brother & dad and it was nice to just be together and have something fun to do. Saturday, I headed to Elwood to pick up Daughter, then met up with friends I hadn't seen in a long time for lunch. Got daughter a little wooden frog toy that makes a croaking noise when you run a mallet along the ridges in its back. Also got the besties Pork Fest t-shirts but haven't mailed them yet - oops. We headed back to the same friend's house for the parade and had a great time. I don't remember laughing so hard in a long time. Every float/band/truck that passed us in the parade got an "ohhh" & "ahhh" from me which cracked my friend up(I can't blame her, in hindsight they weren't that elaborate, but as my grandmother pointed out, the last 4 years I was in Tipton, I was in the parade - so haven't seen it from that perspective in over a decade). Brother was risking his life & limb jumping into the street to collect candy for his favorite niece and GF (who I consider a friend, btw, not just brother's GF) was holding Daughter and doing some general baby wrangling. By the end of the day we were exhausted but had so much fun. I was read to head home Sunday as quickly as possible - and made it in 3 hrs 45 min which is a 2nd place record for me. I just have to add as a side note - everyone is aware that the left lane is for passing, right? Got home and was glad to be here.

Been to the doctor & head the heartbeat via doppler for the first time though we had heard it previously via ultrasound. It was a great feeling to know that the little one was still in there and going strong. I'm not waiting on my quad screen results which we'll get next week and the next dr.'s appt. is next week too. Really hoping for a big ultrasound on my birthday so that I can take home the news of a healthy baby to my family & friends (and a few pics, too!). Still not loving my dr. but I hope as things move on and we build a relationship everything will get better. I'm so thankful/excited/nervous/worried for this pregnancy. I feel him or her moving about and feel reassured that God knows what He's doing - but it so hard to let go of the negative and focus on the positive. I have no reason to believe that this baby isn't as 100% healthy as our first and I try to tell myself that all the time. Husband hasn't been as active in this pregnancy as he was with Daughter. He's only been to 2 appointments with me and I understand...and I don't mind really. It is just so different - to feel like I don't completely trust my doctor, to feel like Husband isn't going to be there every step of the way...I feel like I am going through this alone on many days.

Speaking of going through things alone - life has gotten a little...lonely lately. Husband is working all the time. He is out of our house for about 14 hours per day. I feel like a single parent much of the time. When he gets home he is tired and ready to settle in for the night & I'm ready for a break but we can't seem to give each other what we need. I can't make myself just say "Go ahead and take the rest of the night off, put your feet up, don't worry about us" and he can't seem to say the same to me. I've tried to explain to him that he may need to reevaluate his priorities...but in all honesty, most things I say to him fall on deaf ears. He isn't a bad husband or dad, I don't want anyone to think that. He just isn't an attentive husband or dad and right now, when I've got a lot going on with my body, emotions, spirituality...it gets to be overwhelming to feel like I can't look to him for support. God bless him he tries to be supportive when I talk to him about what's going on...but because I know him like I do...I know that the things he says to be supportive, he doesn't actually understand. He isn't emotionally connected to the advice or comforting words he tries to tell me. It feels like an empty attempt to do what he thinks I want him to do. Anyway, I imagine it will go on like this indefinitely, I don't see why it would change.

Title: Fiddlehead

Title: Zen

Title: Exhaustion

Tipton County Pork Festival Art Show

So, I am from Tipton, Indiana. It is a small (5 stoplight) farming community that celebrates one of the tastiest forms of livestock known to man - the pig. Now, in case you're conjuring up images of pigs on leashes dressed in ridiculous hats with bows around their necks, that isn't exactly how we do it. No, we sort of celebrate the pig in its more edible form of pork tenderloins, pork chops on sticks, BBQ pork sandwiches, and the like. Anyway, it is a 3 day affair and has been known to draw crowds of up to 100,000. There is a variety of entertainment be it bands, carnival rides, song & dance numbers, the Miss Pork Cuisine Pageant(yes, ma'am), and my favorite - the art show. Local (and some not-so-local) artists can enter their fine art paintings and photographs. I entered(or, haven't quite yet entered) 3 of my favorite photographs. You see, I didn't plan on waiting until the last minute to get these turned in. Do to unforeseen circumstances, the friend who was going to hand deliver these to a friend in Tipton, was unable to at the last minute. Therefore, I, at the last minute was forced to overnight them via USPS. Not a problem, it wasn't that expensive and I was told they would arrive today by noon. Well, here it is 5pm in Tipton, and they haven't arrived. Not only haven't they arrived, USPS shows no tracking information for the package beyond it having left Chicago at 1:22am today. The photographs MUST be turned in no later than tomorrow at noon and unfortunately, if they haven't arrived in Tipton by then, they obviously can't be turned in by then. There would go $70.00 down the drain beside the fact that I was really excited to get some artwork out there and in my hometown. I don't blame anyone, it is circumstantial, the postal service was kind but unable to help, a very close friend of mine who is a postal worker in Tipton offered to call me if she sees the box in question arrive tomorrow so that I can make arrangements to get the contents to the art tent. I really think I have a shot at placing at least...and I may not get the opportunity. I'm a little frustrated, a little sad, and I will be thoroughly disappointed if we can't make it happen. So, I'm posting the pictures here, in case any of the 3 people who follow my blog have a care to see them.

Title: True Love

On Family

My husband and daughter, and the child we're expecting - they are the drive to get out of bed, to say my prayers, to smile a little more, they are my motivation, comfort, and peace. Everyone in my life has changed, some beyond recognition, some only the smallest amount - but my family, my constants, have never changed at a pace I cannot appreciate. Husband is a simple man in his ways but an extraordinary man in his intelligence. I have always felt safe with him in many ways but one I am just beginning to understand is the safety I feel because he knows so much about all of the things I know so little of. In his presence I feel like we could conquer the world because we complement each other intellectually. He humbly says, "thank you" when I tell him these things but if you've ever gotten to know him, truly, you know that he is unique in his abilities. I hope that some day he can recognize that in himself if only so he never feels inadequate.

Our daughter is my joy. I don't think I knew happiness before she was here and I feel that except a few particular moments in my life, I have been and will always be, happy. My sincere elation at being her mother, at being in her life at all, overwhelms me sometimes. Already almost 2 years have passed since she was born and every now and then I look at her and no longer see a baby but a quite grown-up toddler with an amazing mind of her own. I am in awe of the gift of children. No human being could ever deserve to have one, let alone many, but God knows how they can complete a person, a family, complete that picture of bliss. I know that the day will come all too soon when I look at her and she will be out the door to a friend's house, picking up the car keys, graduating high school, walking down the aisle...and as all parents promise me, I'll still see that cherubic little face of a babe and the bittersweet-ness that is the cycle of life in our world will be ever present.

And for the little one we are so anxiously waiting on, the unspoken promises I am making to him or her are reflected in all of the promises I am willing to make to God just to see his or her face. Knowing I have no right to ask of such a gift from Him but somehow still knowing that He must delight in the giving of children as much as we delight in the receiving, it gives me perspective when my mind could just spin out of control. In 6 more months, when I've wondered where the time has gone, knowing it will just keep going, as that is the only thing in its nature to do, I'll be wondering how I, unimportant in the scheme of the world, but the most important to Him, as we all are, I will wonder how it was written in to my life to be blessed so abundantly.

If I review the parts and bits of my growing up and wonder how I came to be the person I feel that I am, it isn't such a great mystery to me that I should love my family above all else and make sure that they know it. I have many reasons to resent a certain person or persons in my life but I don't. I love them. I cherish them. And I forgive them, if that is what they need from me. I am sad for them, heartbroken really. Knowing the happiness they seek and will never find passed them by when they gave up the two gifts from God that would have brought more joy than any one person should have, if only they knew it was a gift and not a hardship. But, I digress-

Mothers, Fathers, love your children. Love each other. It is the only task that God gives us that matters more than any other - it is the hardest, as it should be. In overcoming each difficulty as a parent or as a spouse, we grow a little more in our strength of character and our ability to love unconditionally. It is a contagious phenomenon - let it spread like wildfire.

Addressing Number 2 (of my previous post, of course!)

There are these two women in my life. My bests, my BFFs, my girls. We've known each other for a few years now, since 2006, actually, but it feels like a lifetime. We all worked for the same neurotic eye doctor (and I say that lovingly, sort of) at one point. Almost since day one we hit it off with one another. That work relationship developed into more over time, as slowly, all but one of us had to step down from the positions we held in that office and move on to other career choices. In the years we've known each other we've been there for one another through our successes and failures. On our worst days we have had someone to cry with and on our best, well, gut busting laughter. Through husband's deployments, relationships being laid to rest, big moves, new jobs, and babies, we have been 10 minutes away from one another and a phone call away but always so close. These two ladies may not understand what a memory they gave me by being there the day our first daughter was born, sisters where I had none before. From hilarious moments - "Doesn't a baby breath through its skin?" to ones of a more tender nature - "She's a peach, a perfect little peach." these wonderful beings that have crossed my path have given me family when I had none close and friends when I needed to get away from it all. We have experienced the many facets of life together (we have matching tattoos, for goodness' sake) and been each other's person more than a few times. Even in this description of them, I cannot do justice to the memories we have made together (partly because I can't remember my life, which is something they don't understand but accept). Simply put, they've made my life happier, fuller, and have allowed me to just be me. Not wife. Not mother. Not sister, daughter, or other. Just me. It is a gift I feel we've given each other from the beginning but something was lost between them. Something neither can pinpoint precisely though both have tried and tried to understand it and change it. Distance? Time? Changing individuals? I can't help them, and I feel like I'm failing them. My heart is breaking with them and for them. This is all we have. This one and only existence. This one and only moment. None of us know if we will be here in 30 seconds let alone 30 years. I could not picture either of them out of my life. I couldn't imagine not knowing them. I fear they have both done that to each other and for the moment have convinced themselves that it isn't sad anymore, it just is.

I am an even person for them. A neutral. But in all truthfulness I could just take them both by the ear and bang their heads together and scream "What are you doing?!" "Stop this nonsense!" "You love each other whether or not you care to admit it, whether or not you care to show it, whether or not you even realized it until now!" It is all we have, the people around us. Having them in our lives may be one of the few things we have control over, the few things we have a choice about, and the only one who can separate us is the Almighty Himself. In the mean time I will pray and wait and listen. I hope they do the same.

Title: Life's a Beach

If Only Motivation Came in a Bottle...

So now that I've been M.I.A. for several weeks, I thought I'd give my blog some much needed attention. Several things have been happening in my life and the lives of my family and friends. Let's just start with the highlights-

1. My husband took 2 weeks leave and we had a pseudo-vacation involving the great outdoors, our hometown, and several days at home with our child.

2. My best friends broke up. Then started talking again. Sort of.

3. I'm pregnant. 12 weeks 5 days today actually. We are ecstatic : )

I think that about covers the major events going on this way. I'm curious to see who reads this and comments via Facebook. We haven't made a public announcement of our newest expectation. The only people who know are the ones intuitive enough to ask or are related by blood. Anyway, let me get back to vacation. We went camping at Mississinewa in Peru, Indiana with some good friends and some new friends who we really are quite fond of. 6 adults wrangled 3 children (34 months, and two 22 month olds, respectively, one being ours). In all truthfulness, it was a great weekend. It wasn't too hot, there weren't any bugs, we didn't get rained out, the children all played nicely, and most importantly, so did all of the adults. All of the couples admitted that camping doesn't usually bring out the best qualities in the relationship they share. Anyway, we divided up meal responsibilities amongst families during the planning process. The first night there we had Hobo Pies. Basically, you take a piece of foil, some smoked sausage, and all kinds of canned veggies and you combine them with seasoning in the foil, then throw them in the fire to warm them up. Simple & tasty! Perfect after a long day of making camp and chasing children. We were on breakfast duty but after a long night of little sleep (Daughter had a hard time adjusting and then we were subject to a massive thunderstorm) I overslept so Husband and friends made breakfast. The boys ran errands while us girls (all 6 of us, all the kids are female too) hung out at the camp. We had a blast together. It was relaxing and one by one everyone retired to their tents until it was just me and a book waiting by the fire for the menfolk to return with meat and firewood. That evening, after eating, we all went down to the beach and played in the sand while the sun set behind us. The day before all of us girls went to the beach and the kids had so much fun! Daughter chased the birds and played in the water with me while the two other Littles played in the sand with their toys. Very nice indeed. We ate and ate all weekend, played a few rounds of Phase 10, stayed up entirely to late talking around the camp fire, and then Sunday morning, it was all over. We packed up camp and headed home. We couldn't have asked for a better time and I hope we make it a yearly tradition.

Too much of a good thing is a....

So I had this dream about Michael Weston (the main character on Burn Notice). We were getting shot at, I was quickly learning how to use a semi-automatic and we were running from the Bad Guys. Mr. Weston had suffered a leg injury so I was dragging him as fast as I could to the train station where we were receiving secret messages from operatives on our side, via the schedule monitor. I don't know if we made it. It was rough.

Last night I was battling wits with a genie who was rather...mischievous. We were constantly changing shape, location, transportation mode (at one point I turned myself into a fly, then a fish, then I managed to dissolve so that I could pass through the metal grates that shop owners pull down over there doors when they're closing up). I believe this battle was taking place in Japan as I recall a Pagoda like structure coming into play at some point. The genie was doing his best to outwit me. I don't know who won that one either.

When I was in high school, I had a dream about God and the devil. In the dream, I was standing in the street of my home town at Main & Jefferson. God locked the devil in a huge black box and blew it up...I never saw either of them, only knew that was what was taking place. At least I know who won that one.

I dream every single night and usually, they make little sense. The last couple of nights have been adventurous to say the least. I have recurring dreams about tornadoes and water that has gators, crocs, or sharks in it. In my waking hours I fear tornadoes and water(ponds, lakes, oceans...not necessarily moving water). Though my fears invade my dreams, I've never been "gotten." I think the fear of tornadoes comes from growing up in the Midwest and hearing those sirens one too many times. The town we live in now tests them once a month. I believe the town my mother used to live in tested them daily at noon. If you've never had the pleasure of hearing them, consider yourself lucky. There have been many times in my life when I've taken shelter in a basement, bathroom, or pole barn (though I doubt it was really much protection). If you've had the unfortunate experience of having your home destroyed by this kind of disaster, my heart goes out to you. I imagine the the fear of water comes from seeing JAWS at too young an age. I frequently watch documentary types of shows on sharks, alligators, crocodiles, and tornadoes. I think it is a sick fascination with things that give me the creeps. Sometimes I have to turn it off and remind myself I'm actually sitting on a couch, in a living room, not a cloud in the sky, not an alligator for several hundred miles at least.

It's funny what you come to fear, either rationally, or irrationally. I would say the above are fairly rational. They will kill you. Irrational fears, like the one I have for bugs...is a little less justifiable. I'm not trying to be a "girl" whatever that means, nor unjustly demonize the little critters. There is something so prehistoric about insects and arachnids that makes them seem...untouchable. Plus...they're ugly. Aesthetically speaking, there are few "bugs" that I would ever want to gaze upon. That makes them even more scary. In college, our floor sponsor was an entomologist at the university. He had access to all kinds of creepy-crawlies. I bravely went to a small gathering where a group of us, maybe 10 of us, got an up-close and personal view of the creatures that gave him a job. He brought giant cockroaches, one of those several-inch-long millipedes, a couple spiders, and I can't recall what else. I cried the entire time. Cried. I was 19 years old and crying at the mere sight of bugs. No one understood what my problem was until two of the giant cockroaches got loose and one of the tarantulas started lifting the lid of his cage. That's right. Lifting. The. Lid. I left at that point, but I tried. I knew then as I know now, none of those creatures will hurt me. That is what makes a fear irrational, there isn't really a possibility of a bad outcome, yet I fear them still.

I don't know if I'll ever overcome any of them. I think bug therapy would actually involve touching them and that isn't something I'm willing to do in order to no longer be afraid. I'll keep my craziness, thank-you-very-much. The other two, well hopefully I will never know the fear of seeing a funnel cloud touch the ground and come straight at my house. If I some day find the courage to go snorkeling, there is a good chance I'll encounter a shark in the wild. If I don't suck water into my snorkel at the sight of one and manage not to drown myself...I just might conquer that one.

A Rant...of Sorts

I came across some information today - and anyone who feels like they have been categorized for a medical, religious, racial, or other reason can probably appreciate this. The information I read (via multiple sources) says that obese pregnant women double certain birth defect risks. All of the articles said it in such a way, that they wanted you to know exactly what kinds of risks you were doubling (neural tube defects, heart defects, cleft lip/palates, the list goes on) without citing the fatality rate of the defects. Paragraphs are spent defining what your weight could potentially do to your unborn child. Before I go further, I need to say that I am well aware that being overweight or obese is unhealthy, a fact I don't dispute. I don't have any medical reasons for my weight (a thyroid disorder or PCOS, for example). I am a classic case of the calorie amount I consume is greater than the calorie count I burn. I'm not proud of this, it is a vice, check yourself, I bet you have them too. It is just that mine is displayed on every inch of my body so it invites comments and judgements from individuals. Consider it a blessing that I can't tell that you play video games 13 hours a day and therefore have no real-life relationships or that you have an internet porn addiction that is ruining your marriage. Anyway, the articles I've read go on to finally give you some kind of hard data from medical experts and this is where I want to flip my lid - many experts say ridiculous things like "We don't want to scare women" or "Remember that birth defect rates are only between 2-4%." Firstly, statistics and credible sources are what gives information validity. The fact that obese pregnant women are faced first with the scary "facts" about their condition and then with the less-alarming statistics is horrendous. Don't all pregnant women perpetually worry? Why make it worse? I agree that this is a subject that should be addressed by your physician before you get pregnant but what if you find yourself to be pregnant but are already obese? You're not allowed to lose weight while pregnant either. You are in a no-win situation. You're scared out of your wits because no mother wants to put her child's life at risk and there is nothing the medical community will allow you to do about it. What is the point? Why direct these articles at the every-day citizen at all? Why not direct them at the medical professionals that care for these women. I don't mean to take the responsibility off of the obese woman. It certainly is something we should want to inform ourselves about before becoming pregnant, but in all honesty, it didn't occur to me to do so. What is worse is that no one seems to tell us how our high BMIs increase the risks. What can we do to change our situation? Losing 100 lbs overnight isn't an option. Should we take a higher dose of prenatals? Obviously a healthy diet is extremely important and more so when pregnant, will eliminating certain things completely decrease the risks? Why aren't these answers in the articles written "not to scare women" but presumably to inform them AFTER the fact. What a joke.

I have to further say that I got the very uncomfortable feeling that my own doctor wasn't using her brain to think about my own situation. She saw fat when she looked at me. She saw unhealthy. My daughter was born 12 days overdue. She was a large baby, 9lbs 1/2 oz. When I explained this to her, she made a tsk-tsk face but never considered what she knew to be true. Babies gain about 1 lb per week in the last weeks of pregnancy. If my baby had been born nearer her due date, she would have very likely been in the healthy 7 lb range. That is within the normal weight range of infants. My obesity, my eating habits, they didn't hurt my child. They didn't cause her to be too large. I didn't have gestational diabetes. I HATE that when I questioned my doctor about VBAC that she gave me a very generic "most second babies are larger than the first" kind of speech. Um, HELLO, there is no scientific study that says so. I also don't plan on allowing subsequent children to be 2 weeks late (therefore increasing their size). If I were to have a c-section at 39 weeks, there is no evidence as to why that baby would be a 10 lb child! I hate that my own doctor didn't look at the facts only the fat. She went straight from obese mother to large baby. She didn't look at due date at all. I just want to scream. Why? Why am I a second class citizen because of my weight? I decided after thinking about this for the last several hours that I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop taking to heart the medical doctors who refuse to see the person regardless of what their medical problems are. I am not going to be afraid. I'm going to keep working on me, me physically, me mentally. I am not going to rejoice in my unhealthiness, but simply accept me at any point in my life as I think all human beings should do. Accept and make a resolution to always move forward in their endeavors whether slowly or quickly. Whether now or later. I will just do my best to be aware of my body and my health and the health of any babies that may come for us down the road and I think any mother, obese or not, pregnant currently or not, can appreciate that.

Title: Swing Time

Another Weekend

Summer is flying by without really being all that hot, sticky, or miserable. We are fortunate to now live in a mild summer climate but at the same time, I wish it would warm up enough to enjoy Lake Michigan a bit more! We got out of the house yesterday by late afternoon. Husband and I were really looking forward to eating a buffalo chicken sandwich from Denny's. Unfortunately, when we got there, we discovered the air conditioning wasn't working. It was pretty warm but the sandwich and their fries especially, were really good. Daughter had Goldfish crackers which she loves, mozzarella sticks, and chicken nuggets. None of which offer any really nutritional value but we were all splurging a bit. Ran some errands to Michael's Craft Store to pick up supplies for a friend's birthday present. I actually just finished making it. Looks pretty good if I do say so myself. She won't get it until later this week so I can't post a picture of it yet. Anyway, we went to the park yesterday too which is something we haven't done in ages so everyone burned off some energy and we all slept well last night. Husband and I have been at each other today. I don't know that either of us is truly angry about anything, just one of those days where we can't shake our bad moods. I'm trying to be cheerful for the sake of Daughter but she woke up determined to have a miserable day too. Guess we'll just have to sleep this one off.

We decided to try cloth diapering. We ordered a bumGenius diaper (which came to roughly $24 with S&H) and I am a HUGE fan of Etsy.com, so I ordered another through bumJoy. Her diapers look almost identical and the price difference is really significant. We decided to compare the two on Daughter to see which we like better. Can't wait to get them in the mail this week! I have had my reservations about using cloth, mostly, the extra laundry seems a bit daunting. Someone then pointed out to me the convenience of knowing you don't have to run to the store, you don't really ever "run out" of diapers, and that is so true. Plus, while initially it seems like a big investment, once you save up and buy all the diapers you will ever need, you won't nickel & dime yourself throughout the months, making it a lot easier to budget. A good friend of mine uses cloth and doesn't have any problems, I plan on using her advice for pointers and such. Anyway, I'm really excited to see how it goes!

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On another front, you ever just want something so much, you're afraid to pray about it? It sounds a bit silly...but I think some of you will know what I mean. Afraid to hear the answer, afraid to admit you don't have any control of a situation, so therefore afraid to ask the Big Guy about it? I've found myself in this situation recently. When I get really worried about it, I feel out of control and at the mercy of fate? God (as if we ever aren't at his mercy)? Murphy's Law? I then try to tell myself that my world won't end if it doesn't work out. Yet, I think that somehow, part of my world might, just a little piece. It's hard to feel like I'll be holding my breath for awhile and when I can finally breath again, I'll let you know. If any of you out there are believers in something bigger than yourselves, can you send up a little prayer for me?

Title: Tell Me Your Secret

So, what hasn't happened lately?

Last time I wrote, 5 days ago, it was the day before the 4th. We spent our Saturday at Husband's co-worker's house. His wife and two sons were all so kind to us. We had a great time, played some Rummy (which I have to brag, I won by a landslide - doubt that will happen again!) and later got out Yahtzee (of which I lost, again, by a landslide). It was great to hang out with some people. The boys kept Daughter entertained which was so nice of them. Hopefully we'll get to hang out again soon. I started to feel queasy so we headed for home and didn't really make it to see fireworks. Once we got the baby to bed though, we watched from our bedroom window for a bit, we could see 3 different villages lighting off their pretties. Sunday & Monday both passed by rather uneventfully. I convinced Husband to consider getting Daughter a small pet. We went to Petsmart, and gathered information while daughter excitedly checked out all of the animals. Eventually she started to melt down and we had to go. Much to Husband's surprise (and relief) we came home without any new pets. I think I'm glad for it, at least for the time-being. I still am not feeling too well so another creature to care for sounds less than appealing. We went out to eat at Joe's Crab Shack and decided that place is permanently off of our go-to spots. It is really expensive, the service was awful, the food mediocre, and what really bothered both of us is the lack of some kind of bread or roll to tide you over. Not that either of us need more food, but we just realized how little we're getting for our money. We'll leave seafood to the coastal cities & there will be plenty in our life, I'm sure. Monday was rather boring, sent Husband to the store with Daughter & had a relaxing hour & a half to myself. Yesterday was Husband's first day back at work after the long weekend and I managed to pace myself and get some things cleaned up in here. Today though, I don't know what I'll get accomplished, if anything. Daughter is in the worst mood of her life. We've been up for 2 hours and she has been in and out of time out for about 30 minutes of that two hours. The rest of the time she is throwing a fit, crying, hitting, being naughty and mean. I just got done dealing with a poopy hand - apparently she felt the need to stick her hand down the back of her poopy diaper. AHHHHH. And now, instead of blogging, I'm going to lay my head down and watch her play before I puke on someone or something.

Passing the Time

Man, I've gotten lazy. I know, I know, my goal with all of this was to write every day. Well, I'm not going to. I might get better, but I think I burned myself out initially. The last several days have been rather uneventful and yet, I feel like we've been busy. I had an appointment on Wednesday, that went well. Abby was in daycare all day on Wednesday too...yesterday was fine, had a play date in the morning, took a nap in the afternoon. Those kids wore me out! We had a blast though. We did finger painting. I had drawn animals in stained-glass style on pieces of wax paper. The kids painted on them, and when you flip them over, it looks very remotely like stained glass. Amy, another mom, brought little wooden bird houses to paint. Daughter loved hers. She meticulously painted with her brushes and patiently tried to coat each side of the house. Absolutely adorable. Husband and I were looking forward to our two favorite shows, Burn Notice and Royal Pains, which weren't on last night after all. He has a 4 day weekend and has been working on our built-in office project. We put a counter top and shelf in a large closet near our kitchen to use as an office. So far...it could be going better, but bottom line, it will be done eventually. Yeah, I said eventually. He is brilliant but unorganized and I feel like this project is really showing that. I've been pursuing information on starting my own photography business. Between the start-up money, the income tax requirements, and not knowing whether or not I need a business license, I'm really at my wits-end. I would LOVE to do this, but I'm really struggling with whether now is the time or not. All I can do is keep working toward my goal and I am not giving up, just trying to practice patience - this could take awhile. My two bests and I haven't had much time to talk. Everyone has such completely different schedules and we are all so busy, it is hard to keep up. We do a lot of texting. One has got men on her mind. The other has got men and everything else on hers. I hope we get to see each other again this year. Time flies and it passes painfully slowly, funny how it never seems just right.

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I recently read a couple passages from the Bible that really put life into perspective for me when I get into a rut. The summation - tomorrow is promised to no one. Many live this idea carelessly by "living it up." I find that the idea that my tomorrow, my husband's tomorrow, and even my child's tomorrow is not promised to them or to me - it makes me hold them a little longer. It makes me utter "I love you" a little more often. I find myself sending up whispered prayers for their safety and for our next sunrise. It inspires me to try to be a better daughter, mother, wife, and friend. It isn't easy, I don't always succeed. At the very least, though, I know I get it. I get what life's all about. I am forever grateful for that because I don't feel like I miss anything. I live and I love without regret. I often remind myself of the most simple of verses but one that certainly puts the tiny grain of sand that is my life into perspective - He must become greater. I must become less (John 3:30). This is His journey, and I have been blessed to be a part of the human race, the history of mankind. I am thankful for each day because I know my days are finite. I know that all of us here on this earth now will cease to be here some day. I often think many don't get this simple reality. I try hard to never forget, to keep on loving, and to gently remind all of those who may have forgotten, that it isn't too late to change.

Title: Brothers

M.I.A.

So I haven't been on since Saturday and I apologize, I'm sure you all have been on the edges of your seats waiting to hear from me : ) So Sunday was really nice too. Got up at 6:45am, no one else was awake, took a shower, got dressed, all in peace & quiet. I even managed to get out the door when I wanted to. I had a photo-shoot to do for a good friend & her family. We went to the local park and we did some family pictures, individual shots of the boys, and some nice action pictures of play time. The boys were in red, white, and blue. The parents were in jeans and white tees. Everyone looked great and we didn't have any meltdowns! Sarah (aka Bat Girl) also went with me. Thank goodness she offered to come because she was the best assistant! Christian (the good friend), Sarah, and I go way back - actually we go back to the time before we were born. Our moms were all friends and we were all born in the same year, September, October, and November, respectively. We've been friends all of our lives and it's great to be friends right now, with kids, buying houses, getting married, going through all of this "grown-up" stuff together. I don't know what I'd do without them - I know that no matter what, we are and will always be drama free & ready for fun together : ) Anyway, after the photo shoot Sarah and I headed

to Christopher's for breakfast. Had a nice chat and the food was good too! Left there and got Husband and Daughter packed up and left for my dad's. Had a great visit with friends and family at Dad's. He is growing a garden and we had a fantastic salad with his veggies. My brother's birthday is today so he & his girlfriend brought an ice cream cake to the Sunday get-together. Now, I know I swore off ice cream, and I've been doing just fine without it, but I had some ice cream cake...it's cake, right? Anyway, Christian's parents ended up stopping out on the bike to visit and it was great to see them. We took off by 5:00pm to head back home. This time the trip was only 5 hours, and that was with a small detour. By the time we were within 30 minutes of our house, both the baby and I were losing our minds. Between RLS, sunburn, exhaustion, and feeling nauseous, I was done. Daughter was just plain tired of sitting in a car seat. We got home, got her to bed, and I hit the shower & the sack within 30 minutes. Yesterday was good but Daughter has been getting up before 7:00am most days and I really wanted to sleep in yesterday. We got up and didn't do anything all day really. One day of recovery is ok, right? Well, Husband got MTS qualified (Master Training Specialist) yesterday, so proud of him - I believe that he will be up for Instructor of the Quarter either this or next quarter. All of it is pretty exciting. We ended up getting some bills/bank account overdrawn notification in the mail and it tried to ruin our day. We decided to to just let it go until today, everything was closed anyway so no point in worrying and being upset when there was nothing we could do. Hopefully we'll get it all worked out today. You'll hear from me later - we'll see what the day holds!

Title: Bat Girl & Wendy Koopa

Superheroes vs. Villains

Today was a great day. A good friend of mine, Sarah, and I hung out with some old friends from high school. Spent the whole day in the pool, doing jello shots, having fruit slushes, a great lunch, and just good times catching up. It has been years since I had seen one of the girls, and we caught up just like I knew we would, having laughs and a laid back afternoon. Sarah and I then went to a party some friends were throwing. Husband met us there and so did some other mutual friends. The idea was comic heroes vs. comic villains. Husband and I were both villains. We had a ball with the obstacle course, tug of war, trivia game, riddle scavenger hunt, and beer pong. There were great decorations - even their dog had a costume! We ate, played some games, drank a few beers, and just had a blast. I did manage to get sunburned earlier at the pool so I was ready to be off by the time that beer pong was over. Now it's time to get to bed as I've got a photoshoot in the morn at 7:30am! Daughter is still awake too so my exhausted but is signing off for the night : )

Title: On the Water

For Friday, and only 15 hours late...

So yesterday was a bit...well, I spent my day feeling quite cranky and extremely hot. We got up early enough to get some of the house cleaned before packing and leaving for Tipton. Husband surprised me by waving his magic wand and getting off work in time to be home at 10:30am. Husband hasn't had a vacation for well over a year, he doesn't take days off, it was an absolute treat that he got home so early. We worked hard and got the car packed up and we were off only 30 minutes after our goal time of noon. We have two vehicles, a car, and a minivan. It is June and both A/Cs are out. We chose the car simply because it had less stuff in it than the van and took off. The ride started out well enough, a little warm, Daughter and I were in the sun. After about 30 minutes, the traffic was backed up and we were looking for a way out. We headed over to 94 just to end up on a detour to 294 because our southbound ramp was closed. We finally made it to 294 (we've now been on the road for 1.5 hrs and gone 10-15 miles) and I noticed that the traffic was slowing again. Daughter was getting sunburned so I rigged a sun shade out of Husband's raincoat and the window. She eventually fell asleep and we kept moving, slowly, but surely. A lot more of this stop and go traffic & heat, and noise (windows down got quite loud) and we eventually made it to 65 where we kept seeing warning signs that one lane driving was causing long delays near Lowell. We messed with the navigation feature on my phone for awhile before deciding to brave it. We had been on the road for 4 hours by this time, were still 3 hours from our destination (and that was if the traffic wasn't backed up). The entire trip should have taken 4 hours. We were hot. We were tired. We were cranky. My RLS was driving me insane. I hadn't eaten in almost 8 hours and was feeling a bit dizzy from the heat and lack of sustenance. We finally got to our usual stop and decided on Arby's. We thankfully piled out of the car and headed in and right away I knew we couldn't stay. We all went into the restroom, changed Daughter's pee-soaked clothes, and walked back out. The AC was out there too. We needed relief so we headed into Cracker Barrel to eat, cool off, and regroup. We were able to rally and only stopped one more time so that I could drive the rest of the way in. We even made it here before the sun set -7.5 hours later. We were all troopers though and we made it, can't wait until Sunday, ; ) and we'll do it all again.